upheveals! this week had been crazy be it work, study, finance... even machines are irritating the s**t out of me... because of one meeting and plenty sudden request for information, i had to forgo my exams... deferred exams on exercise programming... :(
i literally broke down in the beginning of the week, mentally distressed didnt know where to begin with, the "how-tos" and wanted to give up on everything i've worked hard on these years... simply wanting to let go cos i suddenly thought how good would it be if i can be given a chance to start afresh... no backlogs, up-on-pace... a part of me wanted to do it... the other part of me is reluctant... if i can't even deal with such matters, what more can i deal with in future?
a big thank you to friends and colleagues and all whom had heard my worries and unhappiness... after straightening out my thoughts... ought to cease my grousing... there are plenty of ordeals in other ppz lives too... comparing to some of them, what i'm going through is minor... those who had to worry about dad who fell very sick isnt complaining, those who had to worry about how to make ends meet isnt complaining, those who slogged out their lives isnt too... who am i to do it? life goes on for them...
maybe i havent tried my best... am blessed with plenty of care and warmth from family that i do not have to worry about alot... that i can go out playing... which made me a spoilt brat who cannot deal with what lies ahead... (i'm actually afraid to have to do things by myself...) i ought to push my limits... i have to believe... i have to JUST DO IT!